Consequences
by Yuriku
Summary: Sometimes actions and words can bring deadly consequences


_**Enjoy ^-^ and woah I am totally into practicing to write tragic stuff o . o oh well...**_

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I walk towards high school with my head hung low. I pretend I am fine with everything that is far away from being fine.

I was popular – I was the one girls would die to go out with. I was... Past. Sweet past that was taken away from my hands.

_How could you turn your back on me when I screamed your name so loud?_

I had best friend Vlad. Even when he was vampire – and had blood for dinner and breakfast. Yuck. Still he was only one I could trust with my heart. I could tell him everything. He would always listen to me and hug me. Even when I felt slightly weird when he did it. Because deep inside of me I wanted for him to hold me – forever. I knew those feelings were wrong for me to have. I was a boy he was a boy also. It was not meant to be this way. It was never meant to be this way...but how could I stop it? When I felt butterflies inside of me whenever he was around. When I blushed when he would ask me something. I could never answer. Something like "So who is your crush?" because I always ended up distracted when I was near him. He thought it was some girl. When in the end it was him. Time went by – weeks went by. This feeling inside of me just grew stronger. I thought … I thought... that I could tell you and you would understand me. Because we were best friends? Because I was your drudge?... I thought you would understand... I was wrong...you never understood. You never looked back. You kept walking away from me. I was not even mad when you called me every anti PG name. I still wanted you to understand... Even when you said all those things. They are stuck in my head. I feel ashamed I feel dirty. I feel like trash.

_How could you let me fall away from you, did you get too proud?_

In the end … probably I was wrong believing that you care. You know... I heard you talking with snow. I heard you talking with Tom and Bill. I always thought they bullied you.. Oh how wrong I was... I heard what you said. I heard what you said to them. I heard what you talked with them. About me. I thought you would at least keep it secret. No you did not. You told them what kind of cock sucker I am. You told them... I could hear you laughing. I could hear you...

But still you know what? I loved you. I wanted you to understand... I wonder if you ever was there for me. Or it was just because I was your drudge. Can you feel my pain? Can you feel my shame? Can you hear my sobs? Feel my tears soaking my cheeks. Can you? Or you cant? Or you don't care?

I have so many questions and what if in my head. It is killing me. Tearing my apart. I know... I should be mad. I should be angry.

All I can feel is sadness and emptiness – you were my life even when you did not know that. But you took it away when you left me. I would never care if all world would know what I feel.

As long you would understand. You never – You never understood. You left me... Maybe it was all just fake pretending? Being my friend? Because I was popular? Because you could use me? Because I loved you? Because? Because?! WHY? BECAUSE WHY? WHY? Did you LEAVE ME? Why did you …. Now I am all alone... Are you to proud? To proud to be with someone like me?.. why? So many questions... Without answers.

_How could you watch as I died a gruesome death and broke apart?_

How could you do this to me? Why did you tell everyone my feelings... Why did you? Made fun of me? Let people bully me? I always protected you... But probably you never needed my protection – it was all fake? Right? I was only a puppet in your game? Someone you would use and leave? I no longer know what was true and what was not...I keep searching for something that I never seem to find. I keep searching for you – for old you. I need you...But maybe I won't, because I left it all behind. I left.. because you let me leave everything behind. You took everything I had. So Where to go from here? What road to travel on? What can I do now? Everyone hates me now …

Everyone is ashamed of me. Even my parents hate me... They kicked me out. You know... because of who I am. They said I am no longer their son... I did this because I thought you would understand.. I thought you would be here for me... Now I wonder will I try to have the will to be alive? I no longer know. There is no one there for me... I am all alone – just because

I wanted for you to know the truth and I thought you would understand... I was wrong. I am so lonely and cold.. I am broken. I am used. But still I love you. I still feel like this is all my fault.. Like I should have never said what I did. That I should have done something... I feel like I should done something... anything... I feel so dirty and alone. I don't know where I belong any more. There is no home for me...There's no light, there's no sound. I cant hear anything at all – I feel like I am underground – it is so hard to breath.. even when I am walking these steps now. I feel like I am already gone. You were my light you were my air you were my sound... I loved you so much and I still do. I know I am freak for what I feel – but I cant change it... I wonder what you think now... when you see me. Probably you feel sick... Probably you wish you never made friend like me. It is so confusing now.

Everything is so.. confusing. It is like side of coin was changed I am hated by everyone. I am pushed by everyone around. I am being kicked. But …. there is no you to protect me. But all I want is still to be with you – even when I know it is wrong. I cant change it. When I see you it is like time stops... just stops. But I see hatred and … so many other feelings that kill me in your eyes.. It makes me to break apart even more. But I still need you... But you still only watch.. keep watching how I am slowly moving towards my end.. I know it is near..

_Walking these streets, so absent of hope. A pillow of concrete, a man with no home._

I know longer have home – I no longer have you. But I still love you. I still need you. Even when I know it is only lies – lies of you liking me as friend before. Because if you really cared about me a little – How could you be so hypocritical when I spoke my secrets from deep within? How could you do this to me?

_I am hurt, but I still need you._

I still feel ashamed of who I am. World with no sunlight... I live in darkness now and I cant see any light in the end. You were my light, but you walked away – leaving my in darkness and pain... When I wake up – whenever I am sometimes at train station – sometimes at park bench I know it is darker than last night... I know day will be darker than last day – because I know I will not be able to see your smile – to feel you hug me – to speak with you. Simply be with you... Because I am disease something … something who should never breath same air as you.. But I still need you. I am broken – why life is so cruel? I know you never cared about me, but I still do. No matter what you said or did I still do... I wish you could look in my eyes – you would see nothing – nothing at all. Everything I was – everything I had was because I had you. You were my life... I wish you could look around me – you would see nothing nothing at all. When you left – everything was taken away from me... But I still care about you...

I still care about you... I still stood up for you... I heard yesterday people talking bad about you... I still wanted to protect you – even when you hated me probably... I still did... that's why I have bad limp today... I wonder if you ever gonna understand... Because when you saw me walking these steps you pointed finger at me and made everyone laugh at me.. I am alone. Desperate.

_Broken, and lonely. Devastated._

But I know this is going to end... even when I know... I still love you. I know you will never gonna love me. I am just so tired of being who I am. Of being hurt and exhausted. I just want this to be over... I want this to be over... That's why I am taking these steps that's why I am taking stair to roof and opening door.

There was no reason for me to live any more anyway... The man I loved cant stand sight of me... You cant stand sight of me.. You hate me.. My parents hate me. They kicked me out. I don't have anyone left. Everyone has turned their backs to me.

That s why I walking down roof toward my end. I need my sweet oblivion of nothing. I need to fade – I cant stand this pain. I cant.. I already feel dead. I don't care that tears are running down my pathetic face. I don't care. I take shaky breath. Air is so clean and cold... Here. Cold. Like me. That's why I am standing on edge of roof. I don't care if anyone sees me – nobody cares about me anyway... I look towards sky.. I wonder where I will go.. If I will be free or even death is going to laugh at me...I looked down and saw tear falling down – following path I am going to take. I know I am being even more pathetic... But I cant stop this pain inside of me. I am to tired and to broken.. I need you, but you don't need me.

I feel tears running down my cheeks – I want to wipe them, but I know there is no point. I am to tired to do anything. Even lift my hand – I feel like my spirit already have left – like half of me already had died. I still remember what happened last night – I remember what they did... But I know you will be safe – that is all I think. Even when you hate me I am to much in love with you to hate you. I keep looking down I see people there, but I don't care … There is nothing left to me..

I know that nobody will care if I disappear they all hated me – but what hurt most was knowing that you hate me..

Then I see you down there. You are looking at me. And there is pain and fear in your eyes. I wonder why... I look down and see that I am standing just above your new flashy car. I smile despite everything probably you are worried about me wrecking your car... Why would I ever think that you care me. I am being stupid once again – I hate myself for who I am. I should know you don't care... I should stop grabbing hope that was never there. I take steps back and I see your face it is more relaxed... I smile even when I feel like my heart is being ripped into shreds. I took step – I close my eyes. I take another step. And another. I can feel air rushing around my face – ruffling my hair.

I know I am free... Now I will finally free.

Even when I will forever gonna love you.

My last thoughts before I feel everything slipping away - when I feel every bone in my body shudder and break. Are

I am sorry for who I am - I still love you Vlad...

Henry never heard Vlad shouting to stop him from jumping. He never heard Vlad shouting that he loved him. It was to late. He was gone.

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R.I.P

Henry McMillan

1994-2012

Beloved Brother

Beloved Son

Best friend

My love

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Everyone knew they all were to late to realize what their actions brought to one they all loved.

Sometimes actions cant bring consequences nobody ever dreamed about...

Sometimes one word can break you apart – kill you...

Sometimes it is to late...


End file.
